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Post by ][-][ 0 `/ /-\ 5 on Apr 12, 2007 16:26:56 GMT -5
Guys, guys...we're getting off topic here. YB drives a Lesbaru. Discuss. So does he like scissor, or something?
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DanMcQ
Moderator
Posts: 30,589
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Post by DanMcQ on Apr 12, 2007 16:27:53 GMT -5
Mod Note: I enjoy good sarcasm and humor as much as anyone else. Keep the train on the tracks please.
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doublehoya
Silver Hoya (over 500 posts)
That's Right, I Said Minivan!
Posts: 980
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Post by doublehoya on Apr 12, 2007 16:28:47 GMT -5
April 12th, 2007 Editorial from The Independent Daily HoyaTalk Monitor YB Helps Old Lady Across Street, Cannonizes Himself In a bizarre display of pent up inadequacy, YB made headlines yesterday for the surprise press conference he called in order to declare himself a saint. Undaunted by the Catholic Church's stance that it takes a lifetime of good deeds to qualify, YB proceeded with his self-cannoniziation, relaying a story about how he had just helped an old woman across a crowded intersection at rush hour. "There was no way she was making it across without me. Not a chance in the whole widest world. 'You call those legs?' I asked her. 'Those are so much weaker than mine!' And then I showed her how Editeding tight and hairless my kickass legs were and carried her old ass across that street. 'Why'd you let yourself get so old? ' I asked her. 'That's so dumb of you. I'm never gonna be that stupid' I told her. She didn't even see me coming. I picked up her location on my Q and ran over right away. But there's no way she would have gotten across so fast on her own. I dare you to prove me wrong on that. I dare anyone of you appologists." There was a stunned silence from the assembled media, who had gathered in response to giant billboards the megaposter had placed directly on the freeways of Los Angeles, New York, Boston, Washington D.C. and his home town of Spotslyvania. The billboards featured today's date, a picture of Georgetown coach JTIII and the phrase "9/11 wasn't Edited". Local authorities estimate the damage in the billions and have launched an international manhunt for YB in the hopes of asking him the question on most of the nation's mind: Why did he think so little a private matter deserved such public outcry and what the Edited he was thinking being such a loudmouth Cockleslueth? YB ended the press conference after a prolonged and uncomfortable fives minutes of silence where he waited for questions while scrolling through emailed hoyatalk updates on his Motorola Q, and was heard to mutter phrases like "that's what I thought" and "exactly, Volta". He finally declared to a near empty room "I'm here today to proclaim that I am now a Saint. From now on, you should refer to me as Saint YB The Wise, or Diddy, or Saint Sex. You should bow down to me as the ominiscent voice of all things Hoya. I am your redphone to God. You know I am. Don't pretend you guys don't want to have mad saint-sex with me. You Guys wish! You Editeding Editedwhores wish!" At this point, most of the media had left, or were notifying TMZ. When asked about the incident, the old woman in question, Mrs. BuffaloHoya, responded "It was odd. He never said a word standing on that sidewalk, and then all of a sudden he picked me up and started insulting my legs. But I just told him he needs more love in his life, and he should stop trying so hard. Then I let the weasely Edited mouth go on his way." Mrs. BuffaloHoya went on to say that she has been walking the intersection for the last thirty-five years without problems and actually volunteers her time to a local retirement home, helping the resdients cross the street for groceries and gambling. "I don't know why that young man had such a hard-on for me. I think he just needs a girlfriend." She added. "But I'll say it again, I have no hard feelings against that poor, misguided Cockle Face." The bizarre spectale fizzled to a close a mere seven minutes after it had began. As the few remaining journalists walked out from under YB's makeshift "Holier Than Thou" catering tent where the event took place, YB was heard to say "Oh boo-hoo. You can't Editeding handle my sainthood. Why don't you all go home to your lay peoples' dwellings and cry about it! I'll give anyone ten chances to smite me and my proposals for oncampus practice facilities! Go ahead dude! Ten Editeding chances. That's right, cause I'm a Goddamned Saint now, MF-ers. I got Esh fired. I brought you JTIII. I am Saint John the freakin baptist. If you don't pay the man, the TEN freakin PLAGUES will return. Oh yeah who wants to get all jiggy in that!!! I'm a Lord, son! Ow!!!!! I'm pulling down mad bitches now, SON!!!! Yeah! YEAH! I'M WORTH IT! I"M REALLY WORTH IT!!! YOU HEAR THAT, PRESIDENT DEGIOIA !!! JOHN THOMPSONS!!! President DeGoia, Coach John Thompson III and John Thompson Jr. were unavailable for comment. I just read this whole thing and I laughed so hard I peed myself a little bit.
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Cambridge
Platinum Hoya (over 5000 posts)
Canes Pugnaces
Posts: 5,304
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Post by Cambridge on Apr 12, 2007 16:30:55 GMT -5
I drove to the Final Four with 5 other guys in a minivan. And there was an Elmo DVD in the minivan. That's right, I said "minivan". AND "Elmo DVD". I put up with a lot of crap on the internets, but disrespecting my minivan is OVER THE LINE. PM me Neil, like a real man. -- 3:00. Right after school. In the boys bathroom. I am going to PM the SH-- OUT OF YOU!!! HONDA ODYSSEY POSSE REPRESENT!! /That's right, I said minivan . . . Whew...I thought you were going to PM the edited outta me, then I realized Cam has the same first name as me. As for you minivan, its easy to tell. It all hinges on which side its bay door is on. Some of them have doors on both sides, but I think that's just a phase they're going through.
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vcjack
Diamond Hoya (over 2500 posts)
Posts: 3,875
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Post by vcjack on Apr 12, 2007 16:33:39 GMT -5
Uh Oh, Cambridge developed YB's stutter. More Motorola Q's?
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doublehoya
Silver Hoya (over 500 posts)
That's Right, I Said Minivan!
Posts: 980
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Post by doublehoya on Apr 12, 2007 16:35:45 GMT -5
I put up with a lot of crap on the internets, but disrespecting my minivan is OVER THE LINE. PM me Neil, like a real man. -- 3:00. Right after school. In the boys bathroom. I am going to PM the SH-- OUT OF YOU!!! HONDA ODYSSEY POSSE REPRESENT!! /That's right, I said minivan . . . As for you minivan, its easy to tell. It all hinges on which side its bay door is on. Some of them have doors on both sides, but I think that's just a phase they're going through. doors on both sides . . . she's a naughty little minx . . .
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Boz
Blue & Gray (over 10,000 posts)
123 Fireballs!
Posts: 10,355
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Post by Boz on Apr 12, 2007 16:39:53 GMT -5
When is this thread being broadcast on MSNBC??
;D ;D
Buffalo, you are a mad genius. Honestly, this couldn't have come at a better time. Today was just a horrible day at work, but all I had to do was click over here for many, many laughs!
Thank you to all, even the foils!
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hoyatables
Diamond Hoya (over 2500 posts)
Posts: 2,603
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Post by hoyatables on Apr 12, 2007 16:44:51 GMT -5
This . . . is . . . amazing.
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Hoya50
Silver Hoya (over 500 posts)
Posts: 805
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Post by Hoya50 on Apr 12, 2007 16:54:48 GMT -5
I drove to the Final Four with 5 other guys in a minivan. And there was an Elmo DVD in the minivan. That's right, I said "minivan". AND "Elmo DVD". I put up with a lot of crap on the internets, but disrespecting my minivan is OVER THE LINE. PM me Cam, like a real man. -- 3:00. Right after school. In the boys bathroom. I am going to PM the SH-- OUT OF YOU!!! HONDA ODYSSEY POSSE REPRESENT!! /That's right, I said minivan . . . ford freestar/big sister dora dvd here. GET YOUR GAME TOGETHER!
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casualhoya
Silver Hoya (over 500 posts)
Posts: 727
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Post by casualhoya on Apr 12, 2007 16:55:47 GMT -5
Looking to fill the card for WrestleMania 24 early, I propose a tag-team ladder match with myself and VelvetElvis taking on Bando and YB. BuffaloHoya will serve as our manager, with williambraskyiii as the guest referee.
We have about a year to teach Chvotkin espanol so he can sit in the spanish announcer's table.
Casually.
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Cambridge
Platinum Hoya (over 5000 posts)
Canes Pugnaces
Posts: 5,304
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Post by Cambridge on Apr 12, 2007 17:29:07 GMT -5
Looking to fill the card for WrestleMania 24 early, I propose a tag-team ladder match with myself and VelvetElvis taking on Bando and YB. BuffaloHoya will serve as our manager, with williambraskyiii as the guest referee. We have about a year to teach Chvotkin espanol so he can sit in the spanish announcer's table. Casually. I have noted the snub. I will seek revenge.
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paranoya
Century (over 100 posts)
"Iverson was cool but I supported Victor Page. It's a DC thing, in case you ain't notice." - Wale
Posts: 234
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Post by paranoya on Apr 12, 2007 17:32:05 GMT -5
Most underated post of the whole thread. Clearly not everyone Tivo's the new South Parks on every Weds. night. This is F ing hysterical.
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doublehoya
Silver Hoya (over 500 posts)
That's Right, I Said Minivan!
Posts: 980
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Post by doublehoya on Apr 12, 2007 17:39:27 GMT -5
I put up with a lot of crap on the internets, but disrespecting my minivan is OVER THE LINE. PM me Cam, like a real man. -- 3:00. Right after school. In the boys bathroom. I am going to PM the SH-- OUT OF YOU!!! HONDA ODYSSEY POSSE REPRESENT!! /That's right, I said minivan . . . ford freestar/big sister dora dvd here. GET YOUR GAME TOGETHER! Avatar changed to "Represent" my posse . . .
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CO_Hoya
Golden Hoya (over 1000 posts)
Posts: 1,109
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Post by CO_Hoya on Apr 12, 2007 17:39:54 GMT -5
"Subaru has been the most prominent company to embrace the gay market. As long ago as 2000, the automaker created advertising campaigns around Martina Navratilova, the gay tennis star, and also used a sales slogan that was a subtle gay-rights message: 'It’s not a choice. It’s the way we’re built.' Little wonder that many lesbians refer to their Outbacks as 'Lesbarus.'"Does this explain why I never could get action in the state of Colorado? Now wait just a gosh-darn minute. Why does the wholesome state of Colorado have to be sullied by one of this confederacy of dunces? Just because you couldn't curry the favor of the fairer sex ( underlying assumption noted), doesn't mean that the entire female population of my home state "putts from the rough," as they say. I'll have you know that my own dear wife herself drives a Subaru Outback wagon, and she has never demonstrated any lesbian tendencies. Or at least, I've never noticed any. Not that I've ever had cause to check. Before today.
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Post by williambraskyiii on Apr 12, 2007 17:41:42 GMT -5
i saw it last night. i was going to write something, but then got sidetracked. perfect timing guy with handle that i cannot write out but i think spells HOYAS...i salute you
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Post by Coast2CoastHoya on Apr 12, 2007 17:44:53 GMT -5
Now is a great time to say Happy Birthday Bando!Love the new avatar, man. Has HoyaTalk jumped the shark? Let's break down this thread and see: - 8-plus pages and counting
- Clearly successful (and relatively ingenious) attempt by Buff to spice things up -- not unlike the Paper Airplane Chem Lab Days (which I honestly never tire of referencing)
- People are getting butt-hurt all over the place (and before people go all Imus-crazy on me, that's not a reference to anything more sinister than falling on your butt as a little kid and crying about it)
- References, posts, pics, articles in abundance that are only tangentially related to the thread but hilarious nonetheless
- New avatars have been inspired---and nearly as funny as the "Grabby" "Whiny" "Look at Me I'm Special" avatar renaissance.
- People are bragging about their minivans and kiddie DVDs and calling each other out cyberspace playground style
- Brick killed a guy with a trident
- Millions of dollars in lost productivity
I think this Board is alive and kicking. And if we need to have a showdown, please ladies and gents let's always remember: DAS BOOOOOOOOT!!
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hoyatables
Diamond Hoya (over 2500 posts)
Posts: 2,603
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Post by hoyatables on Apr 12, 2007 17:47:44 GMT -5
There you are, Coast. I've been wondering where you--and Drums--have been in all of this!!!
And yes, happy birthday Bando. As I emailed to you this morning: "Another year older, another year wiser, another year avoiding significant jail time."
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paranoya
Century (over 100 posts)
"Iverson was cool but I supported Victor Page. It's a DC thing, in case you ain't notice." - Wale
Posts: 234
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Post by paranoya on Apr 12, 2007 17:49:44 GMT -5
Ha I guess it is supposed to spell Hoyas, after all these years of lurking/posting I never even noticed that. I always just called him squiggles, haha.
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Post by Coast2CoastHoya on Apr 12, 2007 18:01:32 GMT -5
Well 'tables, in honor of Bando's bday, he and my buddy Animal are coming over for music, fo'ties, and a viewing of Beerfest, so you might see a few more posts before the night is out .... but hopefully not any of that "significant jailtime!"
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Post by hoyalove4ever on Apr 12, 2007 18:22:54 GMT -5
Long live the old board! Where old threads just disappeared! And the posts appeared in those neat little boxes! Viva la old board!!!
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