doublehoya
Silver Hoya (over 500 posts)
That's Right, I Said Minivan!
Posts: 980
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Post by doublehoya on Apr 12, 2007 15:55:54 GMT -5
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Post by williambraskyiii on Apr 12, 2007 15:55:59 GMT -5
Please at least try to keep the feeble attempts at humor clean.
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YB
Golden Hoya (over 1000 posts)
Posts: 2,494
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Post by YB on Apr 12, 2007 15:58:53 GMT -5
April 12th, 2007 Editorial from The Independent Daily HoyaTalk Monitor YB Helps Old Lady Across Street, Cannonizes Himself In a bizarre display of pent up inadequacy, YB made headlines yesterday for the surprise press conference he called in order to declare himself a saint. Undaunted by the Catholic Church's stance that it takes a lifetime of good deeds to qualify, YB proceeded with his self-cannoniziation, relaying a story about how he had just helped an old woman across a crowded intersection at rush hour. "There was no way she was making it across without me. Not a chance in the whole widest world. 'You call those legs?' I asked her. 'Those are so much weaker than mine!' And then I showed her how Editeding tight and hairless my kickass legs were and carried her old ass across that street. 'Why'd you let yourself get so old? ' I asked her. 'That's so dumb of you. I'm never gonna be that stupid' I told her. She didn't even see me coming. I picked up her location on my Q and ran over right away. But there's no way she would have gotten across so fast on her own. I dare you to prove me wrong on that. I dare anyone of you appologists." There was a stunned silence from the assembled media, who had gathered in response to giant billboards the megaposter had placed directly on the freeways of Los Angeles, New York, Boston, Washington D.C. and his home town of Spotslyvania. The billboards featured today's date, a picture of Georgetown coach JTIII and the phrase "9/11 wasn't Edited". Local authorities estimate the damage in the billions and have launched an international manhunt for YB in the hopes of asking him the question on most of the nation's mind: Why did he think so little a private matter deserved such public outcry and what the Edited he was thinking being such a loudmouth Cockleslueth? YB ended the press conference after a prolonged and uncomfortable fives minutes of silence where he waited for questions while scrolling through emailed hoyatalk updates on his Motorola Q, and was heard to mutter phrases like "that's what I thought" and "exactly, Volta". He finally declared to a near empty room "I'm here today to proclaim that I am now a Saint. From now on, you should refer to me as Saint YB The Wise, or Diddy, or Saint Sex. You should bow down to me as the ominiscent voice of all things Hoya. I am your redphone to God. You know I am. Don't pretend you guys don't want to have mad saint-sex with me. You Guys wish! You Editeding Editedwhores wish!" At this point, most of the media had left, or were notifying TMZ. When asked about the incident, the old woman in question, Mrs. BuffaloHoya, responded "It was odd. He never said a word standing on that sidewalk, and then all of a sudden he picked me up and started insulting my legs. But I just told him he needs more love in his life, and he should stop trying so hard. Then I let the weasely Edited mouth go on his way." Mrs. BuffaloHoya went on to say that she has been walking the intersection for the last thirty-five years without problems and actually volunteers her time to a local retirement home, helping the resdients cross the street for groceries and gambling. "I don't know why that young man had such a hard-on for me. I think he just needs a girlfriend." She added. "But I'll say it again, I have no hard feelings against that poor, misguided Cockle Face." The bizarre spectale fizzled to a close a mere seven minutes after it had began. As the few remaining journalists walked out from under YB's makeshift "Holier Than Thou" catering tent where the event took place, YB was heard to say "Oh boo-hoo. You can't Editeding handle my sainthood. Why don't you all go home to your lay peoples' dwellings and cry about it! I'll give anyone ten chances to smite me and my proposals for oncampus practice facilities! Go ahead dude! Ten Editeding chances. That's right, cause I'm a Goddamned Saint now, MF-ers. I got Esh fired. I brought you JTIII. I am Saint John the freakin baptist. If you don't pay the man, the TEN freakin PLAGUES will return. Oh yeah who wants to get all jiggy in that!!! I'm a Lord, son! Ow!!!!! I'm pulling down mad bitches now, SON!!!! Yeah! YEAH! I'M WORTH IT! I"M REALLY WORTH IT!!! YOU HEAR THAT, PRESIDENT DEGIOIA !!! JOHN THOMPSONS!!! President DeGoia, Coach John Thompson III and John Thompson Jr. were unavailable for comment. Stay up all night thinking of that one, did ya? . Tell you what- you got a problem with me- be a man and pm me. Otherwise keep it clean, tough guy.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Apr 12, 2007 15:59:43 GMT -5
Please at least try to keep the feeble attempts at humor clean. I just simultaneously laughed 'til I cried and puked all over the place.
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Post by albertogonzales on Apr 12, 2007 16:01:32 GMT -5
Said the ballroom dancer.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Apr 12, 2007 16:03:34 GMT -5
"be a man and pm me" = the Hoyatalk equivalent of "Meet me in the parking lot".
I LOVE an internet slapfight...
EDIT: And now The Attorney General has chimed in! With all of the controversy swirling, he still has time to come to Hoyatalk and make magic happen!
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Cambridge
Platinum Hoya (over 5000 posts)
Canes Pugnaces
Posts: 5,301
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Post by Cambridge on Apr 12, 2007 16:04:26 GMT -5
April 12th, 2007 Editorial from The Independent Daily HoyaTalk Monitor YB Helps Old Lady Across Street, Cannonizes Himself In a bizarre display of pent up inadequacy, YB made headlines yesterday for the surprise press conference he called in order to declare himself a saint. Undaunted by the Catholic Church's stance that it takes a lifetime of good deeds to qualify, YB proceeded with his self-cannoniziation, relaying a story about how he had just helped an old woman across a crowded intersection at rush hour. "There was no way she was making it across without me. Not a chance in the whole widest world. 'You call those legs?' I asked her. 'Those are so much weaker than mine!' And then I showed her how Editeding tight and hairless my kickass legs were and carried her old ass across that street. 'Why'd you let yourself get so old? ' I asked her. 'That's so dumb of you. I'm never gonna be that stupid' I told her. She didn't even see me coming. I picked up her location on my Q and ran over right away. But there's no way she would have gotten across so fast on her own. I dare you to prove me wrong on that. I dare anyone of you appologists." There was a stunned silence from the assembled media, who had gathered in response to giant billboards the megaposter had placed directly on the freeways of Los Angeles, New York, Boston, Washington D.C. and his home town of Spotslyvania. The billboards featured today's date, a picture of Georgetown coach JTIII and the phrase "9/11 wasn't Edited". Local authorities estimate the damage in the billions and have launched an international manhunt for YB in the hopes of asking him the question on most of the nation's mind: Why did he think so little a private matter deserved such public outcry and what the Edited he was thinking being such a loudmouth Cockleslueth? YB ended the press conference after a prolonged and uncomfortable fives minutes of silence where he waited for questions while scrolling through emailed hoyatalk updates on his Motorola Q, and was heard to mutter phrases like "that's what I thought" and "exactly, Volta". He finally declared to a near empty room "I'm here today to proclaim that I am now a Saint. From now on, you should refer to me as Saint YB The Wise, or Diddy, or Saint Sex. You should bow down to me as the ominiscent voice of all things Hoya. I am your redphone to God. You know I am. Don't pretend you guys don't want to have mad saint-sex with me. You Guys wish! You Editeding Editedwhores wish!" At this point, most of the media had left, or were notifying TMZ. When asked about the incident, the old woman in question, Mrs. BuffaloHoya, responded "It was odd. He never said a word standing on that sidewalk, and then all of a sudden he picked me up and started insulting my legs. But I just told him he needs more love in his life, and he should stop trying so hard. Then I let the weasely Edited mouth go on his way." Mrs. BuffaloHoya went on to say that she has been walking the intersection for the last thirty-five years without problems and actually volunteers her time to a local retirement home, helping the resdients cross the street for groceries and gambling. "I don't know why that young man had such a hard-on for me. I think he just needs a girlfriend." She added. "But I'll say it again, I have no hard feelings against that poor, misguided Cockle Face." The bizarre spectale fizzled to a close a mere seven minutes after it had began. As the few remaining journalists walked out from under YB's makeshift "Holier Than Thou" catering tent where the event took place, YB was heard to say "Oh boo-hoo. You can't Editeding handle my sainthood. Why don't you all go home to your lay peoples' dwellings and cry about it! I'll give anyone ten chances to smite me and my proposals for oncampus practice facilities! Go ahead dude! Ten Editeding chances. That's right, cause I'm a Goddamned Saint now, MF-ers. I got Esh fired. I brought you JTIII. I am Saint John the freakin baptist. If you don't pay the man, the TEN freakin PLAGUES will return. Oh yeah who wants to get all jiggy in that!!! I'm a Lord, son! Ow!!!!! I'm pulling down mad bitches now, SON!!!! Yeah! YEAH! I'M WORTH IT! I"M REALLY WORTH IT!!! YOU HEAR THAT, PRESIDENT DEGIOIA !!! JOHN THOMPSONS!!! President DeGoia, Coach John Thompson III and John Thompson Jr. were unavailable for comment. Stay up all night thinking of that one, did ya? . Tell you what- you got a problem with me- be a man and pm me. Otherwise keep it clean, tough guy. Is PMing more manly? Is that like the Inferno of Hoyatalk? I suppose you'll be playing the role of Alton to my Abram.
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Post by StPetersburgHoya (Inactive) on Apr 12, 2007 16:06:06 GMT -5
Said the ballroom dancer. Mr. Attorney General: I hope your are monitoring this thread for potential signs of evil-doing and unlawfulness. I would suggest that you put any of the vioaltors in the brig if they should do that.
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Post by Redheaded Hoya on Apr 12, 2007 16:08:04 GMT -5
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Cambridge
Platinum Hoya (over 5000 posts)
Canes Pugnaces
Posts: 5,301
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Post by Cambridge on Apr 12, 2007 16:11:48 GMT -5
Tangentially, Buff told me that your avatar has largely answered any ligering doubts he had about his sexuality. Way more effective than that Scared Straight camp he attended each summer as a child.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Apr 12, 2007 16:15:32 GMT -5
I drove to the Final Four with 5 other guys in a minivan. And there was an Elmo DVD in the minivan. That's right, I said "minivan". AND "Elmo DVD".
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Post by StPetersburgHoya (Inactive) on Apr 12, 2007 16:16:44 GMT -5
I don't have a car. How can I tell if my metro train home is gay?
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vcjack
Diamond Hoya (over 2500 posts)
Posts: 3,875
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Post by vcjack on Apr 12, 2007 16:19:14 GMT -5
I don't have a car. How can I tell if my metro train home is gay? Well only commies use public transit so its not that hard of a stretch to say there is some godless sexual deviancy related
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Post by AustinHoya03 on Apr 12, 2007 16:19:45 GMT -5
"Subaru has been the most prominent company to embrace the gay market. As long ago as 2000, the automaker created advertising campaigns around Martina Navratilova, the gay tennis star, and also used a sales slogan that was a subtle gay-rights message: 'It’s not a choice. It’s the way we’re built.' Little wonder that many lesbians refer to their Outbacks as 'Lesbarus.'"Does this explain why I never could get action in the state of Colorado?
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hoopsmccan
Golden Hoya (over 1000 posts)
Posts: 1,419
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Post by hoopsmccan on Apr 12, 2007 16:19:58 GMT -5
I don't have a car. How can I tell if my metro train home is gay? deleted - see instructions above to brasky
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Post by StPetersburgHoya (Inactive) on Apr 12, 2007 16:20:48 GMT -5
I don't have a car. How can I tell if my metro train home is gay? deleted - see instructions above to brasky
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Post by ][-][ 0 `/ /-\ 5 on Apr 12, 2007 16:22:20 GMT -5
I don't have a car. How can I tell if my metro train home is gay? deleted - see instructions above to brasky... Thats just so far over the line... I applaud you
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Cambridge
Platinum Hoya (over 5000 posts)
Canes Pugnaces
Posts: 5,301
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Post by Cambridge on Apr 12, 2007 16:23:24 GMT -5
Guys, guys...we're getting off topic here. YB drives a Lesbaru. Discuss.
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theexorcist
Diamond Hoya (over 2500 posts)
Posts: 3,506
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Post by theexorcist on Apr 12, 2007 16:25:00 GMT -5
If everyone has a dead-eyed glaze about them, you're cool. Everyone is thinking too much about how they hate their job and their home and their life in general to think about what type of bar they're going to on Thursday night.
If your car is populated by the character played by Stephen Hibbert in "Pulp Fiction", then you've got some problems.
This is my first constant perusal of the HoyaTalk board in the offseason. Do we really have to put up with these threads until the NBA Draft/Kenner League, or is this just a horrible nightmare?
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doublehoya
Silver Hoya (over 500 posts)
That's Right, I Said Minivan!
Posts: 980
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Post by doublehoya on Apr 12, 2007 16:26:45 GMT -5
I drove to the Final Four with 5 other guys in a minivan. And there was an Elmo DVD in the minivan. That's right, I said "minivan". AND "Elmo DVD". I put up with a lot of crap on the internets, but disrespecting my minivan is OVER THE LINE. PM me Cam, like a real man. -- 3:00. Right after school. In the boys bathroom. I am going to PM the SH-- OUT OF YOU!!! HONDA ODYSSEY POSSE REPRESENT!! /That's right, I said minivan . . .
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