Best Conspiracy Theories to Explain this Season

[RusskyHoya]

Now that the season has mercifully drawn to a close, it's time for the HoyaTalk braintrust to turn our attention toward a most pressing task: identifying which nefarious conspiracy is to blame for this wayward campaign. I am inspired by the poster who posited that refs hate our team because they wore those "I Can't Breathe" shirts that one time - surely, if anyone can peak behind the curtain and uncover the machinations behind the scenes, it is this august body.

I will get things started with my top five. Everyone, please add your own theories in response. At some point, we might do a poll (or hold a caucus!) to determine the winning theory.

1. The most obvious explanation: the Hoyas have been throwing games left and right this season to pay off Pops' runaway slot machine debts.
   
   
2. Patrick Ewing Jr. has been actively sabotaging the team in a bid to get JTIII pushed out (with a golden parachute - but note, NOT a parachute into the Gold Club) and his father brought in as the only acceptable replacement. Some HoyaTalkers have already played right into the hands of the coup plotters.
   
   
3. L.J. Peak is from Gaffney, SC. You know who else is from Gaffney? Enough said.
   
   
   
4. The man trotting out to the sidelines ever since the Final Four season is not John Thompson III. It is an impostor. The real JTIII has been sequestered for his own protection, for he is the only living soul who knows where the Michelle Obama whitey tape is. Few know that Thompson and then-Michelle Robinson hit it off during the year they overlapped at Princeton. He became part of the Obama inner circle (perhaps you wondered why Oregon State practiced in McDonough then they were in town?)... until news of the infamous tape leaked in the run-up to the 2008 election. That's when all those who knew of its existence started mysteriously disappearing...
   
   
5. There was an intractable tie in the College of Cardinals, with the Jesuits and the Augustinians each commanding major factions. Neither side was willing to budge. Finally, Pope Benedict brokered a deal: the Jesuits would get the papacy for themselves; in exchange, Villanova would become the new king of the Big East.

[dungeon ball]

capri pant warm up's. End of story

[hoyasaxa2003]

It's clearly because Hayes didn't play an extra 3 minutes 4 years ago against a random team.

[tashoya]

Russky, you never disappoint. Thank you for the levity.

I'll add one:

6. JT3, due to his current level of compensation, isn't seeking a new contract after this one is done. Instead, he's trying to depress the program to a point that, by the end of his tenure, Georgetown will take a flyer on a young, green coach named Tyler Adams who, as a HS assistant coach, has a state title under his belt.

[hoyatables]

All part of the grand plan to join the Ivy League.

Lingering protest over the Ryan / Mulledy naming controversy.

Josh Smith ate the playbook on his way out.

[Elvado]

Lenten sacrifice gone horribly wrong...

[trillesthoya]

JT3 wants to provoke Georgetown into firing him so he can rejoin his first love, Princeton, while still getting paid the rest of his contract.

[RusskyHoya]

Mar 14, 2016 23:08:22 GMT -5 hoyatables said:

All part of the grand plan to join the Ivy League.

Strong entry. If we hear that the University is starting up a varsity Quidditch team, we'll have definitive proof.