OIbama Golf

[hoyaloya]

received this yesterday and thought itfunny and chilling at the same time

Subject: OBAMAGOLF - BEWARE

TO: ALL
WHETHER YOU PLAY - OR PLAY AT - GOLF, IT STILL
APPLIES.
===============================================

(Receptionist) Hello, Welcome to ObamaGolf . My name is Trina. How can I
help you?

(Customer) Hello, I received an email from Golfsmith stating that my Pro V1
order has been canceled and I should go to your exchange to reorder it. I
tried your web site, but it seems like it is not working. So I am calling
the 800 number.

(Receptionist) Yes, I am sorry about the web site. It should be fixed by the
end of 2014. But I can help you.

(Customer) Thanks, I ordered some Pro V1 balls.

(Receptionist) Sir, Pro V1's do not meet our minimum standards, I will be
happy to provide you with a choice of Pinnacle, TopFlite , or Callaway Blue.

(Customer) But I have played Pro V1 for years.

(Receptionist) The government has determined that Pro V1s are no longer
acceptable, so we have instructed Titleist to stop making them. TopFlites
are better, sir, I am sure you will love them.

(Customer) But I like the Pro V1. Why are TopFlites better?

(Receptionist) That is all spelled out in the 2700 page "Affordable Golf
Ball Act" passed by Congress.

(Customer) Well, how much are these TopFlites ?

(Receptionist) It depends sir, do you want our Bronze, Silver, Gold or
Platinum package?

(Customer) What's the difference?

(Receptionist) 12, 24, 36 or 48 balls.

(Customer) The Silver package may be okay; how much is it?

(Receptionist) It depends, sir; what is your monthly income?

(Customer) What does that have to do with anything?

(Receptionist) I need that to determine your government Golf Ball subsidy;
then I can determine how much your out-of-pocket cost will be. But if your
income is below the poverty level, you might qualify for a subsidy.
In that case, I can refer you to our BallAid department.

(Customer) BallAid ?

(Receptionist) Yes, golf balls are a right, everyone has a right to golf
balls. So, if you can't afford them, then the government will supply them
free of charge.

(Customer) Who said they were a right?

(Receptionist) Congress passed it, the President signed it and the Supreme
Court found it Constitutional.

(Customer) Whoa.....I don't remember seeing anything in the Constitution
regarding golf balls as a right.

(Receptionist) There's no explicit mention of golf balls in the
Constitution, but President Obama is a former constitutional scholar and he
believes it would have been included if the Constitution had not been
drafted by a bunch of slave-owning white men. The Democrats in the Congress
and the Supreme Court agree with the President that golf balls are now a
right guaranteed by the Constitution.

(Customer) I don't believe this...

(Receptionist) It's the law of the land sir. Now, we anticipated most people
would go for the Silver Package, so what is you monthly income sir?

(Customer) Forget it, I think I will forgo the balls this year.

(Receptionist) In that case, sir, I will still need your monthly income.

(Customer) Why?

(Receptionist) To determine what your 'non-participation' cost would be.

(Customer) WHAT? You can't charge me for NOT buying golf balls.

(Receptionist) It's the law of the land, sir, approved by the Supreme Court.
It's $49.50 or 1% of your monthly income.....

(Customer)(interrupting) This is ridiculous, I'll pay the $49.50.

(Receptionist) Sir, it is the $49.50 or 1% of your monthly income, whichever
is greater.

(Customer) ARE YOU KIDDING ME? What a rip-off!!

(Receptionist) Actually sir, it is a good deal. Next year it will be 2%.

(Customer) Look, I'm going to call my Congressman to find out what's going
on here. This is ridiculous. I'm not going to pay it.

(Receptionist) Sorry to hear that sir, that's why I had the NSA track this
call and obtain the make and model of the cell phone you are using.

(Customer) Why does the NSA need to know what kind of CELL PHONE I AM USING?

(Receptionist) So they get your GPS coordinates, sir

(Door Bell rings followed immediately by a loud knock on the door)

(Receptionist) That would be the IRS, sir. Thanks for calling ObamaGolf ,have a nice
day…and God Bless the Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave.

[Problem of Dog]

If you find chain e-mails "chilling" you are beyond help.

[RusskyHoya]

"OIbama Golf"

[hoyaloya]

RusskyHoya - sorry about the typo; spotted it after it was posted but did not know how to edit to correct it.

[sleepy]

Loved it hoyaboya you Birdied the 19th hole for me given the 6 inches of snow on my course. Isn't there an additional discount because global cooling has impacted days available on the fairways and Obama has authorized the discount through 2015 so has to maintain votes in the incoming elections. Still wished they had been able to get through the requirement that balls would only be made available to those waking with a caddy, but the golf cart lobby was much too strong.

[nychoya3]

wut

[strummer8526]

You know, I was just thinking: I wish HoyaTalk had threads started for each chain email that each poster's left- and right-wing family members sent him on a given day. Thanks for setting this precedent, Loya. I look forward to all the delightful, factually accurate, strained analogy-free threads that are sure to follow.

[nodak89]

received this from 1990s and thought it chilling and not at all funny

Subject: HEALTHCARE - BEWARE

TO: ALL
WHETHER YOU PAY - OR CAN’T - HEALTH, IT STILL
APPLIES.
===============================================

(Receptionist) Hello, Welcome to Health Insurance Company. My name is Trina. How can I
help you?

(Customer) Hello, I received an email from you, stating that my insurance has been canceled. I tried your web site, but it seems like it is not working. So I am calling the 800 number.

(Receptionist) Yes, I am sorry about the web site. It should be fixed in 20 years by the
end of 2014. But I can help you.

(Customer) Thanks, I used to have health insurance, but now I don’t.

(Receptionist) But sir, you have a pre-existing condition.

(Customer) But I have had this health condition for years. Why is it a problem now?

(Receptionist) You either changed jobs or lost your job or the corporation has determined that your insurance is no longer acceptable with our profit margin, so we have cancelled it. Looking at your records, you also exceeded your life time benefit cap. Self-pay is better, sir, I am sure you will love it.

(Customer) Lifetime cap? But I’m still alive and I want to be able to afford food and medicine. Why are profits more important?

(Receptionist) That is all spelled out in the 2700 page "Investment Prospectus" passed by our Board of Directors.

(Customer) Well, how much could I end up paying for a catastrophic illness or for a chronic health condition with complications that could have been prevented?

(Receptionist) It depends sir, can you still pay out of pocket at a clinic or would you like to go to the emergency room?

(Customer) What's the difference?

(Receptionist) Continuous, patient centered care within a medical home…or…top of the line expensive episodic care for "emergencies" in the Emergency Department of your nearest hospital.

(Customer) The Emergency package may be okay; how much is it?

(Receptionist) It depends, sir; what is your age, monthly income, and are you a veteran?

(Customer) What does that have to do with anything?

(Receptionist) I need that to determine if you qualify for a health care subsidy;
then I can determine how much your out-of-pocket cost will be. But if your
income is below the poverty level, you might qualify for a subsidy.
In that case, I can refer you to our Medicaid, Medicare or VA health departments.

(Customer) Government health care?!?!?!?

(Receptionist) Well, health care is a right, everyone has a right to access health care. So, if you can't afford them, then the government will supply it those who are most at risk free of charge or at a more affordable rate.

(Customer) Who said health care is a right?

(Receptionist) Congress passed it, the President signed it and the Supreme
Court found it Constitutional.

(Customer) Whoa.....I don't remember seeing anything in the Constitution
regarding government payment for health care for the poor, the elderly and our veterans.

(Receptionist) There's no explicit mention of health care in the Constitution,
but I believe there is a line in the Declaration of Independence about right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

(Customer) I don't believe this...

(Receptionist) It's the law of the land sir. Now, we anticipated most people
would go for the Emergency Package after we cancelled their insurance, so what is your monthly income sir?

(Customer) Forget it, I think I will forgo health care this year.

(Receptionist) In that case, then you will need to guarantee you won't get sick or be in an accident.

(Customer) I can't do that.

(Receptionist) If you have no insurance then the cost of your catastrophic care is passed on in the system AND you won't be able to get preventive care.

(Customer) WHAT? You can't charge everyone else for the higher costs and poorer outcomes of episodic care.

(Receptionist) It's the law of economics, sir. Emergency care still happens. It's called the Hippocratic Oath. The doctors and hospitals can't refuse to care for patients who can't pay.

(Customer)(interrupting) This is ridiculous.

(Receptionist) So, you remember that pre-existing condition

(Customer) Yes. Why?

(Receptionist) Actually sir, you still need treatment for it.

(Customer) Look, I'm going to call my Congressman and the President to find out what's going on here. This is ridiculous. I'm not going to be able to pay it. Neither will the whole country.